Tortured Souls
by Pawprinter
Summary: [What could he say that would heal her? He was just as broken as her. He took just as many innocent lives as her. They were both tortured souls. He felt like he was spinning out of control. He was losing her.] After irradiate Level 5 together, Clarke is leaving and Bellamy struggles to get her to stay. He cannot lose her. Not after everything. Set during 2x16.


**Hello! This is my first story for this fandom, so I hope I captured these characters correctly and have gathered some new readers!**

 **Ever since the first episode, I have been hoping Bellamy and Clarke would get together! So, as of the finale of season 2, I cried a little inside when more Bellarke didn't happen. I know. I'm greedy - there was quite a bit of this ship in that episode. Anyways, I felt that the finale of season two was one of the most beautiful episodes of the series (from what I have seen so far) AND it included lots of my favourite ship. I decided to explore this pairing and this fandom with this little piece.**

 **NOTE: This takes place at the end of Season 2, Episode 16.**

 **I hope you enjoy.**

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 **Tortured Souls**

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Bellamy leaned against the gate that lead to Camp Jaha – their new home. The forty-some of the juvenile delinquents along with some Ark citizens were making their way back into the camp. They were safe. They did it.

Bellamy hurt. Not only did he suffer physically, he suffered mentally and emotionally. He just killed over three-hundred people. He used to criticize the council for taking so many innocent lives.

But, here he was.

Maya. Lee. Dead.

He hated the price they had to pay to survive, but he knew it had to be done. Something had to be done to save his people. He had to save his sister and Clarke had to save her mother.

There was no other way.

He just wished there was.

The journey home had been painful. Nobody spoke. They were victorious, but not without a cost.

Their souls.

Specifically, the souls of himself and Clarke.

It was clear she was taking it harder than he was. He had killed before. He had shot an innocent man – that was what got him to Earth in the first place. He had killed too many to keep count of. These three-hundred lives haunted him more than the others, mainly because he had to watch Clarke suffer.

Was he less human than her because he wasn't torturing himself over their deaths? Sure, he felt where his soul used to reside, but he had accepted their choice. He had accepted that it was a sacrifice of few to save the many. The Mountain Men had done more harm to society than good.

At least, that was what he was telling himself to get through the days that followed.

Bellamy peeled his eyes away from the arriving citizens. His eyes sought out the golden hair that had light dance off of it.

Clarke.

He caught the beauty of her just as she parted from a hug with Monty. Even after a battle, after heavy losses, and after much blood spilt, she looked like the princess he teased her to be.

He thought back to when their hands touched over the switch. Their eyes had met in an urgent lock. His fingers tightened around hers. The pain hung between them. The fear.

Together.

That is what he had promised and that is what they did. They brought the death of a whole species - together.

Monty walked away from Clarke, headed back to camp. He could see it in her eyes – she was conflicted and pained about something.

He moved without a second thought and came to stand beside her. Their arms hung next to each other as they gazed at the fallen Ark.

His hand twitched, his heart yearning to hold her war battered hand with his.

"I think we deserve a drink," Bellamy said, cutting the silence. He knew that he should try to send Clarke a small smirk, to reassure her, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"Have one for me," Clarke whispered.

"Hey. We'll get through this," Bellamy said strongly.

"I'm not going in," she insisted, her head shaking. They both paused, a heavy silence settling between the both of them. Clarke's eyes looked haunted.

"Look," Bellamy whispered, desperation in his voice. "If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you." Their eyes met. Bellamy's heart ached. They had gone through so much together. They searched each other's faces for a moment that seemed to stretch on, but she turned away. " _You're forgiven_." He wanted to reach out and grip her hands. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her together. She looked so broken. So strong, yet so broken. He just wanted to keep all of their ghosts away from the present. He didn't want her to be haunted by their dammed lives. "Please come inside." He swallowed hard, his voice wavering despite his pleads to keep strong. Not just for Clarke, but for Octavia, for Jasper, and for Monty, too.

"Take care of them for me." She looked at him hard. Her eyes were hardening. Bellamy's mouth opened, but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say.

"Clarke-"

"No," she insisted. "Seeing their faces every day is just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here." What could he say that would heal her? He was just as broken as her. He took just as many innocent lives as her.

They were both tortured souls.

"What _we_ did." He felt like he was lost – spinning out of control. He was losing her. "You don't have to do this alone." His mouth clamped shut. She turned to look back at the camp. Bellamy's eyes never left her face. He was begging – praying – to any of the Gods that he learned that humans used to worship. Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite – anybody. He felt his body aching for her to be in his arms. He shifted on his feet, fighting the urge to smash his body to hers.

"I bear it so they don't have to." Tears were coming to her eyes, but she still looked so strong. She was determined, just as Bellamy was determined to keep her safe. His eyes were sad, his lips parted as he searched her face.

"Where you gonna go?" She couldn't meet his eyes.

"I don't know," she admitted. Their eyes connected again, her head shaking. A moment – a perfect moment – stretched by. Bellamy knew she was leaving, no matter what he did. He tried to memorize every detail of her face; every freckle, every scar, every crease.

His heart was in pain. He didn't know his heart could physically hurt this much. He had been in impossible situations before. He had been in tough situations before. He had been panicked, he had been tortured, he had been sent to hell, he had killed people, he had nearly lost his sister, he had lost his mother. He had lost so much. But every time something new was threatened, it would become apparent that he forgot how much it hurt.

He needed her. Sometime between the drop ship touching the Earth and now, he had fallen for her. He had begun to depend on her. She was there for him to swear at and threaten in the beginning. They had slowly begun to work together, forming a steady relationship that kept the camp together. Their relationship had gone from enemies to partners to friends and now…

Now, he wanted to reach out to her and grab her. He never wanted to let her go. His throat itched to scream out to the guards, yelling some crazy lie to get them to grab both of them and drag them inside.

His eyes dropped to her lips. God, how he wanted to kiss them. Would she stay if he poured himself to her? Would she stay if he let the dam burst and let his feelings flow to her? He could provide anything for them – he could find forgiveness for them both, he could find peace, he could find happiness, and he could give her love. Could his feelings save her from the dangerous path she was leading herself down?

Before he could speak or swoop to her lips, she fell into him. She gripped his shoulder tightly, her nails digging into the fabric of his blue shirt. Her lips pressed firmly to his cheek, but they were gone before he could move his face to meet hers. Clarke wrapped her arms tightly around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Without a moment of hesitation, his arms wound tightly around her back. His hands tangled in her golden hair and his fingers pulled at her jacket.

 _Please don't go._

Their peaceful moment seemed to end too quickly. Bellamy prayed that it wasn't ending – that they would stay wrapped in each other's arms. He prayed she had changed her mind. He prayed this wasn't goodbye.

"May we meet again." Her voice was cracking. He bit his tongue to keep his pain back and to keep his body strong. He didn't quiver and he didn't pull her tighter.

The next seconds were engraved into his mind. Her sweet breaths blowing onto his neck, her hair brushing on his nose, her hands gripping his back tightly, her arms holding him strongly, her body flush against his. He memorized the feel of her against him, the muscles that clenched under his arms, and the distinct scent of her.

Their moment ended too soon. She pulled away from their embrace.

For one last moment, they stared at each other. Bellamy didn't know what else to say. He didn't know if he could say anything without giving away his pain. He didn't know if he could say anything without breaking down.

She was only a step away. He needed her. He needed to let her know how loved she was. He needed her to know how much he loved her and how much he needed her.

Time was ticking by.

He needed to tell her.

Another second passed and he felt his heart racing. He was going to kiss her.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to steady himself. He took a step forward, but it was too late.

When he reopened his eyes, she had turned away from him. She was walking away quickly. Each step she took, his heart hurt more. He couldn't help but look at her back and she headed away from him.

He knew. He knew he couldn't stop her. He knew he couldn't force her to stay. He knew that she needed this. He needed her, but that wasn't important. What was important was her needs. At that moment, she needed to get away.

He took a breath. He was allowing her to leave him. He was losing her before he even had her.

"May we meet again."

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 **Of course, credit is due. All of the dialogue is true to the word to the episode. I did not want to change this beautiful moment between these two - I only wanted to explore the character of Bellamy and the relationship he has with Clarke. Credit to The 100 Wikia, as I double checked the dialogue I collected from the episode to their database. In all senses, I wanted to stay as true to canon as possible.**

 **I hope that you enjoyed. I originally wanted to make it a little AU, but I decided I would save that for a later chapter (that is, if I decide to continue with that plot).**

 **Thanks for reading! Please let me know how I did in a review.**

 **Paw**

 _PS - You can find me on Twitter (Pawprinter1) - I post updates on my writing and news about "The 100" fandom!_


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